Lose 20 kgs in 3 months! Signup 10 new clients in a week! Want to make 6 figures in 30 days?
Our social media feeds and marketing efforts feed into this quite a lot. This kind of messaging is very much a turn-off for me! I can imagine how tempting it can be for people to fall prey to this depending on where they are in their journey and I suppose how desperate they are for quick results - for instant gratification.
One of the ingredients for long-term success and goal achievement is however not falling prey to the temptations of "fast results" and "instant gratification". It requires self-control and self-regulation to not get carried away by the pleasure of a short-term reward. It's what's called delayed gratification.
Delayed gratification - the ability to delay an impulse for an immediate reward to receive a more favourable reward at a later time.
In other words, a familiar phrase that comes to mind is "no pain no gain" or "short-term pain for long-term pleasure". I've been thinking a lot about this in the context of rewarding myself for habits that I build or even milestone achievements to celebrate. More on my personal story later on in this article.
The Marshmallow experiment
This was a research study conducted by Walter Mischel at Stanford University in the 1960-70s wherein a selected group of 4-5 year old children were placed in a room with marshmallows in front of them.
The kids were given two choices for when the researcher left them by themselves in the room.
If they waited for the researcher to come back, they would receive more marshmallows.
If they could not wait, they would ring a bell and not get any more marshmallows.
The children exhibited different behaviours and ways to not get distracted by the tempting marshmallows right in front of them. Some succeeded, others succumbed to the treat waiting for different lengths of time before giving in.
The research continued over their lives finding that the children who exercised more self-control performed better in academics and had better social skills. The experiments proved that the ability to delay gratification was critical for success in work, life and health.
Can delayed gratification be learnt?
Yes it is a skill that can be learned and strengthened over time. Even if the children in the Marshmallow study exhibited certain levels of innate self-control based perhaps on their environment and experiences, it's still a skill that can be learnt and exercised at any point in life.
Common examples linked to lifestyle goals:
🍰 If you are wanting to lose weight, you may resist the temptation of having an extra piece of cake to help you reach your goal.
🛍️ If you are wanting to save money, you may resist the temptation of an impulse buy when shopping or simply checking your socials when an ad shows up in your feed.
Other examples that are more pursuit driven:
✅ Waiting to finish off your to-do list or complete a major task before doing something to reward yourself and celebrate.
🎯 Staying focussed on a meaningful long-term goal that immediate pleasures and distractions seem irrelevant.
An uncommon but real example:
💸 Someone winning the lottery and choosing to spend all the money in one shot versus investing for the future, giving away to charity etc.
"If you don't sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice." - Jay Shetty
Delayed gratification taken too far?
The downside of delayed gratification is staying too focussed on long-term goals that you miss to celebrate the small wins and enjoy living in the moment. The "delay" itself can become a form of gratification reward.
I can personally relate to this with an example I'll share. I have these gift vouchers that are safely kept in my study waiting for the right deserving moment to use them. Yes, I'm mindful of the expiry dates of those vouchers but can't seem to bring myself to use them straightaway.
Am I exercising self-control to hold on instead of using them all at once? Yes and quite easily.
What else could be driving this self-imposed wait on the right timing to use these vouchers?
This is a question I've brought up in my coaching sessions to understand more about myself. One theme that stood out was my tendency to keep striving for the goals I set myself that each milestone or win would not YET feel as deserving for me to use one of those vouchers. Oh and I do truly enjoy the journey with all the ups and downs - it's not all miserable, it's just interesting how I delay using these vouchers and spoiling myself for a much later time.
Now vs then
When I used to work in corporate, using such vouchers or treating myself would feel like a nice thing to "take a break" and "recharge". But now that I'm self-employed and have a very different rhythm to my life, I somehow almost feel like I'm not "deserving" to treat myself.
Could be guilt or a case of delayed gratification taken too far! What I most enjoy treating myself to at the moment is spending time and money on things that help my mind and body stay active on an ongoing basis. But that massage gift voucher seems like a one-off pleasure that can wait for something epic to happen!
To think that using a gift voucher would be a challenging one for me to work on as compared to other things! Anyway this is a work in progress for me that I acknowledge is a pattern and needing attention to not let slide by as life goes on.
🎁 Intentional steps I'm taking
Check the expiry date of the gift vouchers. I would hate to not get to use them!
Plan to use one voucher at a time for a special occasion with special people.
Savour the experience and take time to enjoy it fully. Make it a big deal.
Thank those who gifted me the voucher by sending a short note.
As always I like ending these articles with couple of reflection questions as take-aways. These are as relevant for me as they maybe for you.
💭 What would you need to say NO to not get distracted in progressing toward your goal?
💭 How do you still take time to celebrate small wins and achievements along the way?
Hello👋🏽 Thank you for reading this far! I'm Anne, passionate about helping people grow and get addicted to living outside their comfort zone for what matters to them. I do this through coaching, sharing thoughts and most importantly leading by example in my own life. 🌱
Feeling ready to take courageous steps toward your WHAT-IFS? ✨ Reach out for a chemistry check and to see if coaching is the right fit for you: DM me on LinkedIn, Instagram or email anne@unhiddenpotential.com.