Starting anything new can feel daunting. Especially when it’s not a one-off and you are in it for the long run. Our self-talk can feel like an overly cautious well meaning friend urging us to hesitate and delay starting.
The title of this article is exactly what I have been doing recently - getting started! One thing I know is when the overall purpose or direction you are heading to is clear, everything else just makes sense. I don’t find myself questioning "why", but that doesn’t spare me from having a bit of a “starting trouble” like with initiating this newsletter! In a recent visit to the local library, I picked up a book by Seth Godin - Poke the Box which has been a timely read. More about what I got from that book in the next blog!
In this article, I explore my own inner critic as I embark on the launch of my coaching practice Unhidden Potential and kick-off this newsletter to support. Read on to discover how coaching helped me shift perspectives. Understand how framing incentives can drive our motivation.
Coaching in action
Since signing up to become a member of the International Coaching Federation ICF, I had an opportunity to attend a peer coach drop-in session last week. I was paired with someone who coached me on this very topic of getting over my mental block to draft and publish my first newsletter article.
During the coaching conversation, she asked me to explore what my inner voice was telling me. The voice rationalized - "How genuine and authentic will the content feel? How will others perceive it? What if they don't find it valuable? Will I keep up with creating articles in future?".
She then asked if there was anything positive in the narrative. This made me reflect hard as what was top of mind from the voice was mostly not encouraging! Our brains have an inherent negativity bias which isn't necessarily a bad thing as it served us well to stay away from danger in the stone ages. What we identify as danger has evolved though from escaping preying animals! In my case, it was a perceived danger or threat.
"The evolutionary perspective suggests that this tendency to dwell on the negative more than the positive is simply one way the brain tries to keep us safe." [1]
Few deep breaths and paying attention to what my inner voice actually had to say and knew would be the positive outcomes from starting a newsletter. Three key themes came to mind:
Inspire others in their ways of thinking, feeling and doing to lead fulfilling lives.
Develop my skills and grow through reflection, research and writing.
Role model Unhidden Potential's purpose of helping people take courageous steps.
A coaching conversation helped me step back, reflect and call-out the positive intent.
My coach also asked me to think about a character I would assign to this voice. What came to mind was the character Bruno from the Disney animation movie Encanto! In the movie, Bruno has a gift to see visions of what happens in the future. Most of his visions did not paint happy pictures and they did come true which created tension. Bruno chose to live in hiding secluded from his family. If he suppressed his gift, there was no hurting people.
I was thoroughly enjoying my coaching conversation by this point. My coach went on to ask me what would I say to this voice? It had to be the song from the movie itself which has been playing on repeat as I finish this article!
"We don’t talk about Bruno, no, no, no..." [2]
As I hummed the song, it did something for me. Firstly made me smile as I love the movie, having watched and listened to it multiple times. What the song also did was provide a creative way to address my inner voice. One that I could play on repeat and feel uplifted!
Motivation to start
How we motivate ourselves to start something new can be very personal. For some, it’s a reward that works. For others it could be avoiding a punishment. As humans, we do tend to have a bias towards being more motivated when we are avoiding something. After all we would run faster away from a chasing tiger than towards a bar of chocolate!
Remember all those times we get extra focussed when approaching a deadline? That’s our brains avoiding the consequences if we miss the deadline which become more real as we get closer to the last minute. But what when there is no deadline, no external pressure to start?
"People have less motivation when an incentive is framed as a means to gain something than when the same incentive will help them avoid the loss of something." [3]
I am hereby tricking my brain with how I talk to my inner voice and approach this whole thing about getting started. When the not-so-encouraging thoughts come up, I will acknowledge and sing out loud “we don’t talk about Bruno, no, no, no...”. The loss I want to avoid is that of suppressing my ideas and inspiration with others. Gains will happen in time and fuel me to keep going. If I don’t start, the loss remains a loss - known to me, unknown to the world.
While drafting this blog, I ended up making it too long so have decided to split into two! The next blog will feature my key take-aways from Seth Godin’s book ‘Poke the Box’. A powerful quote from the book in the meantime:
"When was the last time you did something for the first time?" [4]
References:
[1] Kendra Cherry, MSEd (updated 2023) - What Is the Negativity Bias?
[2] We Don't Talk About Bruno - song from the Disney animation movie Encanto
[3] Goldsmith, K., & Dhar, R. (2013) - Negativity bias and task motivation: Testing the effectiveness of positively versus negatively framed incentives. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Applied
[4] Poke the Box - book by Seth Godin, daring readers to do something they are afraid of