Earlier this year I completed 100 hours of individual coaching which made me step back to reflect on my journey going through training, learning and unlearning. I previously shared about the three things I unlearned which were habits that served me well in my previous roles. They were just not the right fit and purpose in the context of coaching.
Continuing on to share a bit about the top three things I focussed on learning and keeping front of mind as I built my skills and experience in coaching. These may seem obvious but it's the practice and consistency in practice that counts. Making them a part of the way I show up for people I coach - a part of my coaching presence and mindset.
Learned #1 Staying Curious:
Number one and most important for me to focus on has been to be, stay and remain curious at all times. The more I embody this mindset, the more confident and at ease I feel before and during a coaching session. When I stay curious, I ease expectations on myself to have answers or come up with smart questions. I learned to trust the process and in turn the coachee trusts me in having their best interests at heart and in mind.
Staying curious is linked to what I've had to unlearn in not trying to problem solve or not trying to ask leading questions. So coming from a place of curiosity - of feeling comfortable to walk into a coaching session not knowing what to expect, not knowing what the coachee is going to tell me or what they're going to discover and not knowing what questions I'm going to ask them because I can't come in prepared for that.
It's just embracing curiosity and feeling confident in my coach training and in my skills to just sit in the moment and be able to coach the person based on what surfaces in that discussion. Staying curious is about asking open-ended questions. It's about asking simple questions and the most effective question that's helped me and my coachees is "What else?" or "What more" - this really helps expand further their thinking and getting to what is not obvious and what they can tap into to get further insights.
Learned #2 Exploring Emotions:
This is one that is very close to my heart and my coach training with brain based conversation skills which really helped give the foundation to tap more into feelings and emotions. This brings a level of connectedness to the goal and unlocks the intrinsic motivation for the person to keep going and sometimes even question if this goal is really that important.
The harder emotions for people to acknowledge and sit with? The happy ones!!! I know this for myself too where positive emotions would overwhelm me or I would dismiss them too quickly. Many a time in coaching, the people I coach start with a negative emotion they want to turn around but end up with honing more into something positive that is already present in their life. People genuinely find it hard to admit they are proud or happy - coaching can help in embracing the full plethora of emotions minus the guilt or fear.
Exploring emotions is also building our vocabulary because there's more to happy than happy. Being curious, creative or optimistic are all linked to the "happy" or positive emotion in our brains. Bringing out the feelings wheel has come in super handy to expand on our vocabulary and take time to label what we feel or would like to feel.
I love working with emotions as it’s opening up clues about what we care deeply. This is an area I’ve focussed on learning and equipping myself to initiate and hold space for these conversations with care. It makes framing the goals stronger and the pursuit more meaningful!
Learned #3 Seeking Permission:
Number 3 of the top things I learned in my journey of becoming a coach is why, when and how to seek permission. When done properly, this can work wonders to help the coachee shift perspectives and embrace new ways of thinking and doing.
A lot of times when we think we're seeking permission, we are not actually doing it properly. It is saying, well, if you're OK, could I offer you some advice? So we just say it quickly for the sake of saying it and then do it anyway. But we don't actually pause and wait for the person to process and consider what they want to say to actually give you permission. That pause is even more important than the intent or thought of seeking permission. It's the way you actually do it. So that's something I learned in understanding the importance of doing it, but also learning how and when to seek permission in the context of coaching.
Examples:
An example of seeking permission could be when I see value in sharing an observation that I'm noticing in the discussion. So before doing that, it's kind of like giving feedback, I would seek permission and ask them if they would be open to hearing that from me and give them a chance to consider and tell me yes or no.
Another example of seeking permission would be to offer a suggestion, which we would rarely do in a coaching context. But when something stands out as obvious and is important to point out as a suggestion, I would do it with permission.
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I wouldn’t have been able to focus on learning new skills if I hadn’t let go of past habits!
What about you?
What skill are you wanting to learn or improve? What past habits are holding you back from new learnings? What do you need to unlearn to make space for new learning? 🍃
Hello👋🏽 Thank you for reading this far! I'm Anne, passionate about helping people grow and get addicted to living outside their comfort zone for what matters to them. I do this through coaching, sharing thoughts and most importantly leading by example in my own life. 🌱
Feeling ready to take courageous steps toward your WHAT-IFS? ✨ Reach out for a chemistry check and to see if coaching is the right fit for you: anne@unhiddenpotential.com or DM me.